From the Depths of the Abyss

[saint_attila]

From the Depths of the Abyss
A Tale of a Paladin's Flight through the Abyss.

A short story from the magical mind of the Supportive Paladin, Saint_Attila.

Please hold any and all comments till the story is complete.

[saint_attila]

"Ok, let's see, shirt goes on first, then pants, followed by helmet and last is my boots." Saint mumbled as he struggled to put his armor on. The heavy plate armor caused him to stumble about as he tried to pull it down over his head. Minutes passed, tables were knocked over, and toes were stubbed before Saint finally managed to pull the heavy armor down over his head. "Next, pants." Saint fumbled about his mini-house for his pants, looking high and low and in every nook and cranny. He found them stuck under his bed. He slipped them on and belted the armor plating on over them. "Now then, where did I put my boots?" Saint scratched his head as he looked around. He started for his closest, but tripped over something. Before he could fall to the ground, he caught himself and looked for whatever could have tripped him. "Well, there they are." He had left his boots in plain sight so he could find them easily. That seemed to work well for him. But he quickly slipped the armored boots on and grabbed his helmet off the coat rack near the door. As he placed the helm down on his head, he picked up his hammer and shield. The hammer was hung from a belt loop and the shield was slung over his back. "Ok, time to go!" Saint exclaimed as he reached for the door handle. But a quiet squeak from behind him caused him to stop short. Saint spun around to see his little pet honeying flying around his knocked over table. "Ah, how could I forget you?" He hurried over to the little honeying and placed him on his shoulder. "Now we are ready to go, right Mikey?" The little honeying nodded in affirmation. Now fully prepared, Saint pushed the door of his mini-house open and stepped out....

[saint_attila]

....into Uruga. He closed the door to his mini-house behind him and hurried towards the Abyss. A friend of his, Volmont, had told him that he needed some help, since the large number of monsters were giving him a little trouble.

Along the way, Saint was bombarded by buying and selling offers as he hurried through the marketplace. "Hey, I got a nice plus nine hammer for sale! Only nine gold!" ""Selling Health and Spirit potions! Only three silver apiece!" "I'm selling a nice new suit of Full Plate Armor! Perfect for Paladins!!" But Saint ignored them all, mostly because he was broke and because he didn't need any of those things at the moment.

Saint hurried past the marketplace and up the steps to Town Chief Adrian. She called for him, saying she had something for him to do, but he did not stop. "Can't talk, gotta run! Friend in trouble!" She'd just have to wait for another time. Maybe after he was done with this. Maybe.

Saint skidded to a stop in front of the Abyss guard. He explained his situation to the guard and waited for an answer. "I'm sorry, I can't let you in. Reports have told me that many bloodthirsty killers are lurking in the abyss right now. It would be best if you waited till they left." Attila couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Let me go in! My friend is in there! He's just a squishy mage! He'll die if I can't help him!" But the guard still refused. Frustrated, Attila reached into his pocket and held out fifty pieces of silver. "You sure I can't go in?" The guard looked Attila and took the money from him. "Sorry, but I'm afraid you cannot go in."

Attila's eye twitched for a moment, then remained still. "Ok then, I guess I'l just have to leave." He started to turn away but stopped. He pulled his hammer from his belt and struck the guard on the helmet with it, knocking him unconscious. "Oh gee, there is no guard on duty. I guess I can go in now." Saint said innocently. He took his fifty silver back from the unconscious guard and hurried down into the depths of the Abyss.....

[saint_attila]

The air grew stale as he descended into the black depths of the abyss. This did seem like a place that killers would flock too. It was dim, damp, and smelled of mold and decay. "Reminds me of the Graveyard of the Dead." Attila wondered aloud as he reached the bottom of the stairs. He tightened the grip on his hammer and pulled his shield off his back. "Vol? You there?" He called out as he tightened the grip on his hammer. Saint proceeded with caution, the narrow passageways did not give him the best view of what was to come. Who knows what waited for him at the end of the next corridor?

"Vol?" He called out again and listened to his voice echo off the walls. "Vol?" Nobody replied. Nothing but eerie stillness. "Something doesn't feel right." He mumbled to the honeying on his shoulder. It squeaked in affirmation. "Vol kept saying something about monsters, but I haven't seen any since we got here." Again, the little honeying on his shoulder squeaked in response.

Attila rounded a corner and left the narrow passageway he was in. He now stood in the middle of a large room with two floors and a pillar in the middle surrounded by statues. The statues looked like old men holding swords driven into the ground. Saint explored the perimeter till he found a staircase leading down to the bottom floor. On the ground, next to one of the statues lay Volmont. "Vol!!" Saint cried out as he bounded over to him. He knelt next to the motionless body and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Dang it, if only I had been a little faster. But it is no problem, I'll get you up in just a moment."

Attila rose to his full height and tapped into the holy powers that had been given to him. He reached for the revive spell and started the incantation. Halfway through, an arrow embedded itself in his shield, breaking his concentration. He snapped his eyes open and looked up at the second floor. An archer, armed with a crossbow had just taken a pot shot at him. "Unless you wish to end up like your friend here, I suggest you run." A voice from behind called out to him.

Attila spun around to see a group of four people bearing wicked looking weapons, all of them grinning at what they presumed to be their new kill. Two warriors, both obviously far more powerful than he was, the archer from before, and a mage all stood atop the second floor, looking down at him. "Cowards!" Saint called back. "I'll make this place your grave!" He swung his hammer downwards, striking the floor. He wrenched the hammer from the hole he had created in the ground and rushed towards the group....

[saint_attila]

But Attila stopped halfway and turned around. He started to run back towards Volmont, away from the group. He threw his shield onto his back and scooped up Volmont. He threw his friend over his shoulder and hurried for the flight of stairs on the opposite side of the room. By now, the other group had given chase, and were not too far way from him. "Stop running, little Paladin! We don't mean you any harm!" One of the warriors yelled after him.

But Saint didn't stop. He hurried through each of the corridors and passageways, looking all around. "Come on, where is a giant mob when you need it?" He mumbled as he leapt over another fallen body. These guys had massacred everyone here. "They'll pay for this, I swear it." But he couldn't make them pay till he found what he was looking for.

The continuous running he had been doing was starting to take its toll. His legs felt like lead, and his lungs felt like they were being crushed under his armor. But that group was still following him, drawing ever closer. He had no choice but to keep running.....

[saint_attila]

"Why do things like this keep happening to me, maman?" Saint wailed as he hurried through the abyss. "I don't do anything bad, but everyone is always after me, maman!" But Saint composed himself and kept running. This really wasn't the time to be crying in French.

His hope was fading fast, he would die at the hands of these killers, just like Vol did. "This is hopeless!" He shouted as he rounded a corner. But at that moment, his troubles were ended. Because around that corner, the biggest mob of orcs he had ever seen lay in wait. They immediately rushed him, swords poised to strike. "Whoops." Saint mumbled as he turned back towards the killers, the mob now following him. "Hey guys!! I got a little surprise for you!!" He shouted as he ran towards them, a psychotic grin on his face.

Closer and closer he got to the killers, closer and closer did he bring that mob to end all mobs towards them. When he was just outside Melee range, Saint stopped in his tracks. "Well boys, its been fun. Lets do this again some other time, hmm?" And with that, Attila waved goodbye as he pulled a scroll out of his pocket and read off the incantation. He disappeared, leaving the killers to deal with that giant mob of orcs.

[saint_attila]

From his seat at the top of the Abyss staircase, Saint could hear the yells and shouts of the killers. It lasted for several minutes before finally ceasing. He assumed they had met their end and he was not about to go and check. However, a tap on the shoulder caused him to jump and nearly plummet into the Abyss once more.

"Thanks for the help back there." Someone said as they caught Saint by the collar and pulled him back up. Attila looked back to see who it was, and was met only by shock and awe. "Vol? I thought you were dead!" Saint exclaimed as he punched his mage friend in the shoulder. "Actually, I never went in." Volmont replied as he leaned on his staff. "The guard told me that there was a group of people down there killing everyone, so I avoided it. I whispered you several times, but you never answered. I thought you were asleep." Volmont hesitated for a moment as he figured out what happened. "You didn't go down there and fight those killers did you?" Saint looked at Vol for a moment, his left eye twitching. "I'm going to give you a three second headstart." He mumbled as he gripped his hammer. "One...two.....three!!"

For the rest of the day, Saint chased Volmont around Uruga, furious that he just went through all that trouble for nothing. So remember, always make sure you check your whispers, it can save you a lot of trouble.

The End, for now.

[saint_attila]

So......yeah. Thought up in five minutes, typed in I don't know how long.

Feel free to comment on it, point out any errors I made, or give me inspiration for another story. Or hey, put your own stories here. I'd love to read them.

[beranabus]

lol i like it it's better than most of those halloween stories grats +rep

[saint_attila]

XD Rep has been taken out, but thanks anyway.

I'm glad you liked it. I feel that I got a bit preachy at points and that I may have broken a few paragraphs before I should have. But I am happy with it.

Thanks again for reading it. I'm very glad you enjoyed it.

[Beckywolf2]

Saint, that story is brilliant :D Congrats xD I enjoyed reading it, make another one xD ^^

[saint_attila]

I might. But that will be later on. Like after I finish this Physics paper I'm working on right now.

n_n But I'm glad you liked it. I'll start thinking of a new one when I have no other business to attend to.

[ILiKePieLoRDoFKNiVeS]

nice!!

write more
i will read it all1!!

[saint_attila]

._. So, so far, three people have said they like it.

Maybe if I get like five people, I'll consider making another.

[ILiKePieLoRDoFKNiVeS]

lol i count for 10.

[saint_attila]

>.> Nuu, it is mai story. I set who counts for what.

You are one, just like everyone else.

[Shaden]

The beginning paragraph felt a tad dragged out and repetitive (where he was changing into his armor) and some parts, specifically the ending:
He assumed they had met their end, but he was not about to go and check. But a tap on the shoulder caused him to jump and nearly plummet into the Abyss once more.


The second 'but' could be changed to 'however' and sound much better; when they were both used in repetition together, it doesn't flow well. At least, that's always a pet peeve I've had with reading and my own writing - changing a single word can make it sound a lot cleaner.

Or even change the first part to 'and he was certainly not going back to check.'

Turn that entire thing into a single sentence anyway. In the beginning of a sentence as such... but doesn't really belong.

Also, in your dialogue, you should use a comma instead of a period if it ends with 'said this person' or 'mumbled this person'. There are a few areas I can point this out, and some spots where you used it correctly.

Sorry, I just hate when people don't critique my own work with honesty after asking, so I tend to grab several details such as these and point them out. xD

-*-*-*-*-

Either way, the story was enjoyable and had a pleasing (and humorous) ending to wrap it up. Nice job. =]

[saint_attila]

Yes, dialog always gets me. And thank you for that. I'll make the changes in a bit.

And I'm always lengthy on my openings. Plus think about it, do you really think you would be able to change armor quickly? I don't think so, considering a good suit of armor weighs about sixty pounds on its own.

So now....four people.

[Shaden]

Yes, dialog always gets me. And thank you for that. I'll make the changes in a bit.

And I'm always lengthy on my openings. Plus think about it, do you really think you would be able to change armor quickly? I don't think so, considering a good suit of armor weighs about sixty pounds on its own.

So now....four people.

I don't mind things being long, but something struck me as repetitive and it got boring quickly. I can't really put my tongue on it, so might as well disregard that. Just a matter of taste in opening paragraphs I guess. It didn't lure me into the story as well as it should; but like I said, personal taste more than likely.

After all, these other people seemed to enjoy it, so clearly it works. :P

[saint_attila]

Yes, and you are welcome to tell other people about the story if you want. The more people that read it the better.

[johniee]

That was really good! I think you should make more, too!
*O*

[ILiKePieLoRDoFKNiVeS]

and thats five!!!

[saint_attila]

>.> Oy, are you like lurking in my story or something?

[ILiKePieLoRDoFKNiVeS]

im lurking everywhere...

[saint_attila]

*pokes* If I write another, I'm going to take a bit of time about it.

This was rushed, and it came out in middling length and quality.

If I take my time, I could get a very large amount of posts done before I am finished.

[ILiKePieLoRDoFKNiVeS]

yes, take your time. preferably a 3 book, 800 page each series.

[saint_attila]

._. Shoot, I'd have that finished before I hit 89 if I wanted to.

Sadly, I don't want to.

I might have one up before the end of the week.

Most likely not.

[ILiKePieLoRDoFKNiVeS]

i have a 257 page novel in progress. sadly, it is so far from clean for these forums it would be too much work for me to edit..

[Alexnew03]

very nice i like it xD

[saint_attila]

Oh, thanks. n_n

I'm still not dead set on another story though. I might, I might not.

[darthnish]

that was a nice one saint ^^ i think you defininetly should make another, you have quite good writing skills

[saint_attila]

Oh, thank you very much. But I think I could have done much better, in terms of content and length.

Hmmm, still wondering about wheter or not to make a new one....

[Shadowic2]

Moved to the Fanfiction section.

Very nice story ^^. You did a good job.

[saint_attila]

Thank you very much, Miss Shadowic. I appreciate it. A lot. :D

[Sockrawteez]

From the depths of dreams Senses fail 2003 EP FTW! xD

[saint_attila]

Oy, I feel that I should get that reference. But sadly I don't.

[sonicweilder]

awusm make some more bro.

[saint_attila]

Thank you very much, and thank you for making my thread "Incredibly Awesome."

[Penhaligon_5]

Such an amusing story, I found it to be well written, and the length was appropriate. Expanding on its length may have made it less fun, as it may have dragged on. Props for writing this after only thinking about it for 5 minutes, lol. Also, a question I have. Who exactly was the person your character picked up in the story? If it wasn't your friend, then it was some random person?

[saint_attila]

Yup.

You know how many clones we have on these servers?

I've run into at least fifty people who look exactly like Volmont. It is easy to assume that someone is someone when you don't really know who that someone is.

Did that make sense?

[Penhaligon_5]

Yeah, and I guess as the story was written by the person "experiencing" this event in third person,(like, first person, but written in third person) you really wouldn't see the other person's name hovering over their head, lol.

[saint_attila]

Aye, if I write about a game, I try to keep it as 'realistic' as possible. In other words, no floating names, no floating health bars, etc.

Everything else stays the same.

[paksenarrion]

Hi saint! I just happened to stumble on this tread, and u know what? I LOVE the story. I think i heard Mist say something about you being a good writer but this is the first time i read something you wrote.You have to make another story! PLEASE im begging you ^^ Okay im gonna stop my rambeling now.... But just so u know, you have talent! :)

(this is Sach BTW... i forgot i have a new account ^^)

[saint_attila]

o.o

Umm, hi Sach? I'm glad you liked it. Mist has already read it, she liked it too.

n_n Well, I'll be writing another.......but it will take a while. My brain is fried at the moment.

[power_ness]

Great story, adding a link to my sig after I make this, also if you end up making an actual novel try (if you don't have another way) downloading openoffice.org, it's a free office program like that of microsoft office, but can export as a PDF, a nice feature to have around.

Please make more, I'm watching this topic ^^

[saint_attila]

:O Well that was cool. Though I use Microsoft Office for big projects. Like the new project I'm working on now.

It's a bit of a love story, so please bear with me. It should be pretty good, I hope. I might go a little over the top with the effects though. n_n Though for any of this to make sense, you'll just have to wait and see for me to post my next thing.

:O And it will be in another thread. With its own title.

Also, I'm glad you liked it enough to add a link. D: I sorta wished you would have told me before you did though.

[power_ness]

:O Well that was cool. Though I use Microsoft Office for big projects. Like the new project I'm working on now.

It's a bit of a love story, so please bear with me. It should be pretty good, I hope. I might go a little over the top with the effects though. n_n Though for any of this to make sense, you'll just have to wait and see for me to post my next thing.

:O And it will be in another thread. With its own title.

Also, I'm glad you liked it enough to add a link. D: I sorta wished you would have told me before you did though.

...

And great thing about openoffice, it can open word documents, so you can type it on word then use openoffice to get it into a pdf.

Should I take out link?

Also for next story just add it to your sig links ^^ then we can find it

[saint_attila]

...

And great thing about openoffice, it can open word documents, so you can type it on word then use openoffice to get it into a pdf.

Should I take out link?

I'm happy with just using word, but thanks for telling me.

And no, you may keep the link. Just tell me before you do next time.

[power_ness]

I'm happy with just using word, but thanks for telling me.

And no, you may keep the link. Just tell me before you do next time.

KK np :D
Sorry for not asking before

[liqeur]

hi Saint ^^
i liked the story! :D

[power_ness]

why do these threads of yours go dead so quickly saint?

[saint_attila]

I don't know.

Maybe cause nobody ever checks the fan-fiction forum?

[power_ness]

I don't know.

Maybe cause nobody ever checks the fan-fiction forum?

still, if people look in siggies they see the link in yours, and you're fairly active all around the forums right?

[saint_attila]

Meh, it's fine. Though, my next thing might be posted in the Apoline Forum Section.

[spart5]

Wait I wanna edit, "Then Saint lagged and the next thing...he was taking a dirt nap..."