B> Valentine's Day Jokes

[A_geezy]

It's pretty simple: have a good joke? post it here, the best three will get 200s from me (<3 Lazorous), all others will get 5s per joke/bump. Leave an ign so I know who to pay.

<3 Happy St. Valentine's (aka Singles' Awareness Day) from the WoOsh family <3

[adol795]

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.

'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'

'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'

Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'

IGN: Cyder

is this a one joke deal or do we get more then one go at it?

[A_geezy]

hahahaha freakin lmao... sexists ftw! alright Cyder you get 200s as soon as I can get a hold of you in-game.

Also there's no limits to how many jokes you post, it's 5s per joke/bump (so by all means spam this thread with new posts per joke to get that silver), and if I really laugh out loud then I'll give you 200s. :D

[adol795]

Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we'll go places!

and I'm in eld right now, hugging GM Nekopon

[adol795]

Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Boy: “Really?”
Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”

[DF001]

lol

Bumpx

[shadowarchangel]

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know... it has never happened!

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum



xD this is a great thread Lolz

[A_geezy]

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum



xD this is a great thread Lolz

lol i like this one, when i get back from this dinner thing with the waitress from last night ill see if i can get a hold of you... bumpity

[shadowarchangel]

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.



Just PM me in-game ShadowArchangel
though if you can't find me online just mail me and we'll meet up somewhere.

[Takuya98]

A little boy comes home from first grade and tells his father that he learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "As Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get angry at me for giving someone a valentine?"
The father thinks for a moment and then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," the boy says.
"Why Osama ," his father asks in disbelief.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd jump with joy. And then he'd go all over and tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Father's heart swells and he looks at his son with newfound pride and joy.
"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."

A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean? $300?"

i found these on a site and thought they were funny

[Takuya98]

drat not on Teva oh well they were funny

[Dragonfly77]

You guys are soo sexist! Here are some better jokes.

---

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

---

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

---

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"

Several men stood up as the lights came on.

The lady who had called out stood up and smiled. "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with me?"

---

My ign in Apoline is Athemis. ^^

[A_geezy]

:D:D:D:D

haha thanks you guys, sorry bout the teva thing bro... thanks for stopping by though.

Athemis and Shadow I have 200s for you each, you're not on atm but ill get ya ;)

[shadowarchangel]

so when and where do i meet ya?