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View Full Version : The mage VeralVeloce and how she became Queen_Veloce


FallenMegaDeath
07-02-2009, 08:56 PM
My name is Veral Veloce.I come from a long line of mages.I know 5 spells that my mom taught me. Magic Missle,Ice bolt,Fire Bolt,Lightning Bolt and Magic burst.Magic Burst is my favorite cause it can damage not only one but many targets that surround me.I had a staff that they called the Roumen Staff.It was said that Roumen created this staff for his best mage.That mage was my Father.But my mom told me he died in war.Its special bcause it glows a whiteish color and is more powerfull then regular staffs.People call me a wiz mage sometimes.Anyway heres the story.

I was out on a task that Ruby asked me to do for him he wanted me to kill sharp boar gangs.I had gotten my Roumen Staff and was ready to set off to The Forest Of Mist.I had found the gang but i did'nt attack.I did'nt because a shadowy figure appeared from a distance of half a mile.But i could hear his voice as if it was right beside me.
It said,"Isya has come to a end legal is back."
I was shocked and said,"What are u."
It disapeared.I ran back to ruby and told her what happend.She said i must go to Uruga and speak with there town leader.I traveled there avoiding all the savage monsters.When i reached the town leader she asked me what was wrong.So i told her.

She said," Listen seeing that we are alone i know where teva is."
I said,"where?"
She said,"she dwells in the caves of Aberstol Ruins.Travel there and tell her what has happend."
I said," ill go as soon as possiable."

[End of Chapter one]

FallenMegaDeath
07-02-2009, 09:10 PM
Soon after i was rested i got stones and set out on my journey.I steped one step out of the town Uruga and i felt the pain and Horror that had gone on here.Then i thought of somthing that ruby had given me.I took out a scroll is taught about the move Life Tap.I studied it and then ounce i learned enough about it i tried to do it myself.At first i could'nt and a fell on the floor.I blacked out.While i was out i saw a Man standing infront of me.It was my father i knew it.Somehow i knew it was him.He said,"You can do it Veral i believe in you."
I woke up and got up and again i felt the pain and suffering these animals has brung upon Isya.I closed my eye and it felt like i was in the air.I was.Blue aura Surrounded me and a red ring did to.Then the ring grew bigger and changed to blue then it covered Uruga and i fell to the floor knocked out.

[End of chapter two]

FallenMegaDeath
07-02-2009, 09:10 PM
Will be continued tommarow lol

caprisia
07-03-2009, 05:20 PM
No offence, this sounds like an ok story, but seriously, CLEAN IT UP. The grammar is horrible, sentence mapping worse ("then the ring grew bigger and changed to blue then it covered Uruga and i fell to the floor knocked out"...seriously?!Poor floor), and the whole thing is pretty choppy. Wash up, then try again.

Daevor
07-04-2009, 02:18 PM
@OP: you have good imagination, but take heed of caprisia's advice.