My New Fiesta Story

[foxfire1329]

CLOSED. SORRY GUYS. ANY OTHER STORIES ARE DONE ON MY DEVIANTART ACCOUNT. http://foxfire1329.deviantart.com/

Hey guys. I decided to make a thread dedicated to my own writing. So I'll be posting my Fiesta Fan-Fiction for everyone to read and comment on. But I need some "help." First, if you want to be included, fill out the form below and either PM me or comment in this thread. The other thing I need help with is that I might want this to have pictures so I need someone who would be willing to draw it for me. If you are that person, then either PM or comment on this thread with a smaple of your work.



Name:
M or F:
Class:
Level (When first introduced):
Hair (Type-Colour)(When first introduced):
Eyes (Colour)(When first introduced):
Personality:
Backstory (History):

'When first introduced' means that when your character comes into the story, they have that hair, level and eyes. They can (of course) level up and do a makeover, just let me know how long after they are met and what new hair style, colour and eye colour. Thanks. :D

Characters (http://outspark.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3083881&postcount=16)

[theheartlandsjoker]

Sounds fun.
I'd be glad to draw for you, if I actually had drawing skills and wasn't lazy, sorry. xD But For now I think I'll submit my own character. Here:

[Name]: Celestiel
[M or F]: F
[Class]: Fighter
[Level] (When first introduced): 31
[Hair] (Type-Colour)(When first introduced): Short and spiky,brushing against the shoulders. Grayish in color. [I think]
[Eyes] (Colour)(When first introduced): A warm light pink? xD
[Personality]: Celestiel is always brave enough to fill her role as a Fighter, but is too careless and reckless to lead others in battle, though she is capable if determined enough. She has a huge ego that is always either getting boasted by compliments or getting puffed up by insults.
In other words; she is a person who you either like or hate, and if she does like you, she will shower you with loyalty and admiration; that is, if you do not betray her.

Pics : http://i849.photobucket.com/albums/ab59/TheHeartlandsJoker/Fiesta2010-04-0112-15-15-65-1.png

And If I may suggest, why don't you ask us our character's personality? Unless you want to make that up on your own, I don't mind it.

[T3h_SyN]

Glad to see you have an idea of what your thread is going to do this time around ;3

I'll join up, but I'm a fail artist so I won't even try to help you with that XD

Name: Kitone
M or F: F
Class: Elite Blademistress of Destruction and Darkness... I mean Fighter... More correctly Warrior
Level (When first introduced): 65
Hair (Type-Colour)(When first introduced): Red, Tied back in a single ponytail with bangs
Eyes (Colour)(When first introduced): Amber

Pic is in my siggy, and the poster above me has a point about the personality thing.

[foxfire1329]

good point lol. yea i should ask for personality. will u two add it to ur posts? thatd b awesome lol

[theheartlandsjoker]

Character's personality has been editted in. And also, I have another suggestion...can we also give you our character's backstory? That is, if you ever do need it.
Sorry if I' am getting carried away with these suggestions. xD

[foxfire1329]

Character's personality has been editted in. And also, I have another suggestion...can we also give you our character's backstory? That is, if you ever do need it.
Sorry if I' am getting carried away with these suggestions. xD

hmmm, im not sure that id use em but u can add it if u want xD. nothing wrong with getting carried away.

[foxfire1329]

Here's the beginning of it. Tell me what you think (try not 2 b too mean plz lolz)



One
An archer, still dressed new – who didn’t even have on the low level boots, sighed. She had attacked a level 2 Mushroom and nearly died. To avoid her death, she fled and someone else got the kill. She looked at her bow, where she wrote her name, Mina, to avoid losing it.
“I don’t deserve to do this,” Mina mumbled as she sat down in the middle of the road in front of the Blacksmith in Roumen.

[theheartlandsjoker]

One

An archer, still dressed new – who didn’t even have on the low level boots, sighed. She had attacked a level 2 Mushroom and nearly died. To avoid her death, she fled and someone else got the kill. She looked at her bow, where she wrote her name, Mina, to avoid losing it.
“I don’t deserve to do this,” Mina mumbled as she sat down in the middle of the road in front of the Blacksmith in Roumen.


That was too short for me to say anything, actually. But so far it seems ok, maybe if you make it a bit longer, than I can answer you better. :P But it does illustrate the newb ways well. [lol]

[foxfire1329]

That was too short for me to say anything, actually. But so far it seems ok, maybe if you make it a bit longer, than I can answer you better. :P But it does illustrate the newb ways well. [lol]

lol i know its short. i havent typed much of it yet so thats all thats typed. lol i kno, the newb ways xD

[foxfire1329]

One
An archer, still dressed new – who didn’t even have on the low level boots, sighed. She had attacked a level 2 Mushroom and nearly died. To avoid her death, she fled and someone else got the kill. She looked at her bow, where she wrote her name, Mina, to avoid losing it.
“I don’t deserve to do this,” Mina mumbled as she sat down in the middle of the road in front of the Blacksmith in Roumen. She made sure her violet layered hair hid hair face, her brown eyes shameful and tearful.
A boy cleric with light blue, wave cut hair and brown eyes ran by. He looked new just like Mina but she was too depressed to notice him. Another cleric, this one a girl with shoulder cut blonde hair, blue eyes, and a high level by her armor.
“Taiyo! Wait!” she called before she tripped over Mina. Taiyo turned around and saw Mina and the girl cleric on the ground.

The first part updated :D

[theheartlandsjoker]

One
An archer, still dressed new – who didn’t even have on the low level boots, sighed. She had attacked a level 2 Mushroom and nearly died. To avoid her death, she fled and someone else got the kill. She looked at her bow, where she wrote her name, Mina, to avoid losing it.
“I don’t deserve to do this,” Mina mumbled as she sat down in the middle of the road in front of the Blacksmith in Roumen. She made sure her violet layered hair hid hair face, her brown eyes shameful and tearful.
A boy cleric with light blue, wave cut hair and brown eyes ran by. He looked new just like Mina but she was too depressed to notice him. Another cleric, this one a girl with shoulder cut blonde hair, blue eyes, and a high level, by her armor.
“Taiyo! Wait!” she called before she tripped over Mina. Taiyo turned around and saw Mina and the girl cleric on the ground.

The first part updated :D

Ah finally, but I spotted a a few grammar mistakes; Like that one I underlined and corrected above.It really confused me. But since it is just a draft, it is really understandable. Maybe if you can make that sentence more understandable like:
Another cleric, this one a girl with shoulder cut blonde hair, blue eyes, wearing higher level armor, ran after him. [btw, that sentence wasn't really attached to anything in the paragraph, so that's why I added the "ran after him"]

Overall, it is looking good so far! Just be more careful in the final copy. :3
Best of luck!

[foxfire1329]

Ah finally, but I spotted a a few grammar mistakes; Like that one I underlined and corrected above.It really confused me. But since it is just a draft, it is really understandable. Maybe if you can make that sentence more understandable like: [btw, that sentence wasn't really attached to anything in the paragraph, so that's why I added the "ran after him"]

Overall, it is looking good so far! Just be more careful in the final copy. :3
Best of luck!

thx, maybe u should b my editor :3 xD ill fix it the way u suggested

[foxfire1329]

reupdated~


One
An archer, still dressed new – who didn’t even have on the low level boots, sighed. She had attacked a level 2 Mushroom and nearly died. To avoid her death, she fled and someone else got the kill. She looked at her bow, where she wrote her name, Mina, to avoid losing it.
“I don’t deserve to do this,” Mina mumbled as she sat down in the middle of the road in front of the Blacksmith in Roumen. She made sure her violet layered hair hid hair face, her brown eyes shameful and tearful.
A boy cleric with light blue, wave cut hair and brown eyes ran by. He looked new just like Mina but she was too depressed to notice him. Another cleric, this one a girl with shoulder cut blonde hair, blue eyes, wearing higher level armor, ran after him.
“Taiyo! Wait!” she called before she tripped over Mina. Taiyo turned around and saw Mina and the girl cleric on the ground.

[theheartlandsjoker]

thx, maybe u should b my editor :3 xD ill fix it the way u suggested

An Editor, huh? Though I don't have that much confidence in my grammar maybe I could try.


reupdated~


One
An archer, still dressed new – who didn’t even have on the low level boots, sighed. She had attacked a level 2 Mushroom and nearly died. To avoid her death, she fled and someone else got the kill. She looked at her bow, where she wrote her name, Mina, to avoid losing it.
“I don’t deserve to do this,” Mina mumbled as she sat down in the middle of the road in front of the Blacksmith in Roumen. She made sure her violet layered hair hid hair face, her brown eyes shameful and tearful.
A boy cleric with light blue, wave cut hair and brown eyes ran by. He looked new just like Mina but she was too depressed to notice him. Another cleric, this one a girl with shoulder cut blonde hair, blue eyes, wearing higher level armor, ran after him.
“Taiyo! Wait!” she called before she tripped over Mina. Taiyo turned around and saw Mina and the girl cleric on the ground.

Good, now keep writing! xD

[foxfire1329]

u caught my mistake and usually i nvr make ne so ur an epic editor.

thx! i have a bit of it wrote down just not type :3 itll b up soon

[foxfire1329]

This is the list of characters involved in this story. They are in order of there names, not the order they are introduced. (Let me know if my ABC's are wrong lolz) Also if you requested to be in this story and you want your character to be anonymous then i won't include what is in (). A * behind the last ) means some the game and a + behind it means from this thread. If there is now () with a name inside of it that means I made the character in my head so therefore not based on anyone (I might make a character based on the character I thought of). It's complicated i know :3

Celestiel (theheartlandsjoker)+ F
Fighter
31
Feathered-Green
Warm light pink

Hermit (MasterHermit)* M
Cleric
86
Wave cut-Blonde
Brown

Hina (Viper96)* F
Fighter
55
Feathered-Red
Green

Karen (MCS94)* F
Archer
60
Long-Dark Red
Golden Brown

Katai (Katai_94)* F
Cleric
50
Pigtails-Red
Red

Kent (Kennt)* M
Cleric
6
Wave cut-Light Blue
Brown

Kitone (T3h_SyN)+ F
Fighter
65
Ponytail with bangs-Red
Amber

Mariah (iMariah)* F
Cleric
28
Shoulder cut-Orange
Blue(left) Green(right)

Mina
Archer
2
Layered-Violet
Chocolate Brown

Miyuri (Miyuri)* F
Cleric
42
Feathered-Blue
Brown

Ruth (Baby_Ruth) F
Mage
25
Layered-Light Blue
Green

Sara
Cleric
85
Shoulder cut-Blonde
Blue

Taiyo
Cleric
2
Wave cut-Light Blue
Brown

Tony (Cupcake_King)* M
Fighter
7
Mowhawk-Pink
Yellow(left) Purple(right) <--------- I don't think Fiesta has this eye color but if you want something different it's fine.

Winter (WinterDragon)* F
Archer
86
Long-Orange
Golden Brown

Zack (i think someone suggested this but not sure)* M
Fighter
60
Wolfcut-Black
Red

That's all for now :3

[foxfire1329]

An Editor, huh? Though I don't have that much confidence in my grammar maybe I could try.



Good, now keep writing! xD

ur my editor, u have no choice xDD lolz. when i post it just read it and tell em of ne mistakes. plz XD

[foxfire1329]

One
An archer, still dressed new – who didn’t even have on the low level boots, sighed. She had attacked a level 2 Mushroom and nearly died. To avoid her death, she fled and someone else got the kill. She looked at her bow, where she wrote her name, Mina, to avoid losing it.
“I don’t deserve to do this,” Mina mumbled as she sat down in the middle of the road in front of the Blacksmith in Roumen. She made sure her violet layered hair hid hair face, her brown eyes shameful and tearful.
A boy cleric with light blue, wave cut hair and brown eyes ran by. He looked new just like Mina but she was too depressed to notice him. Another cleric, this one a girl with shoulder cut blonde hair, blue eyes, wearing higher level armor, ran after him.
“Taiyo! Wait!” she called before she tripped over Mina. Taiyo turned around and saw Mina and the girl cleric on the ground.
“I’m so sorry!” the cleric said getting off of Mina offering her hand.
“Good job Sara.” Taiyo said laughing and Sara glared at him.
“It’s okay,” Mina said taking Sara’s hand. “I’m Mina.”
“I’m Taiyo.” Taiyo said grinning and trying not to laugh and Sara rolled her eyes. She gave Mina a high level buff and curtseyed.
“I’m Sara.” She said and Mina nodded as she brushed herself off. “I am really sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t exactly paying attention.” Mina said picking up her bow and Sara grinned.
“That happens to me a lot.” Sara said smiling. “Oh before I forget, do you have a master?”

[theheartlandsjoker]

Quadruple posting, I'd thought I wouldn't see that anytime soon. xD


u caught my mistake and usually i nvr make ne so ur an epic editor.

thx! i have a bit of it wrote down just not type :3 itll b up soon

Fine then, I'll be your editor. But that means I get a years supplies in cookies,k? 8D



One
An archer, still dressed new – who didn’t even have on the low level boots, sighed. She had attacked a level 2 Mushroom and nearly died. To avoid her death, she fled and someone else got the kill. She looked at her bow, where she wrote her name, Mina, to avoid losing it.
“I don’t deserve to do this,” Mina mumbled as she sat down in the middle of the road in front of the Blacksmith in Roumen. She made sure her violet layered hair hid hair face, her brown eyes shameful and tearful.
A boy cleric with light blue, wave cut hair and brown eyes ran by. He looked new just like Mina but she was too depressed to notice him. Another cleric, this one a girl with shoulder cut blonde hair, blue eyes, wearing higher level armor, ran after him.
“Taiyo! Wait!” she called before she tripped over Mina. Taiyo turned around and saw Mina and the girl cleric on the ground.
“I’m so sorry!” the cleric said getting off of Mina offering her hand.
“Good job Sara.” Taiyo said laughing and Sara glared at him.
“It’s okay,” Mina said taking Sara’s hand. “I’m Mina.”
“I’m Taiyo.” Taiyo said grinning and trying not to laugh and Sara rolled her eyes. She gave Mina a high level buff and curtseyed.
“I’m Sara.” She said and Mina nodded as she brushed herself off. “I am really sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t exactly paying attention.” Mina said picking up her bow and Sara grinned.
“That happens to me a lot.” Sara said smiling. “Oh before I forget, do you have a master?”


Good so far. But this is just a suggestion; maybe instead of writing " Taiyo said laughing and Sara glared at him" you could edit it to "Taiyo said laughing while Sara glared at him"
I don't know, it just sounds better to me.
And Hey, instead of writing by paragraphs and posting it here; Why don't you give me the whole chapter so I can revise it then? [More work for me, of course. lol] You could PM it if you want, but that is optional.

[foxfire1329]

Quadruple posting, I'd thought I wouldn't see that anytime soon. xD



Fine then, I'll be your editor. But that means I get a years supplies in cookies,k? 8D



Good so far. But this is just a suggestion; maybe instead of writing " Taiyo said laughing and Sara glared at him" you could edit it to "Taiyo said laughing while Sara glared at him"
I don't know, it just sounds better to me.
And Hey, instead of writing by paragraphs and posting it here; Why don't you give me the whole chapter so I can revise it then? [More work for me, of course. lol] You could PM it if you want, but that is optional.

u can have all the cookies u want xD

hmm yea i know what you mean about the part u suggested. lol i kinda like my version because Sara started glaring at him when he started laughing lol. but if ur my editor then ur able 2 say ur mind xD ill have the chapter up (beware its kinda long) soon as soon as i can start typing it xD and i think ill just post it here on this thread lol

[theheartlandsjoker]

Ok then, I will be awaiting the manuscript and the free cookies. :D

[foxfire1329]

Ok then, I will be awaiting the manuscript and the free cookies. :D

xD i will lolz :D

[foxfire1329]

....hey which is better? 50 or 5o?

[theheartlandsjoker]

Uhhh,what? *Makes a stupid face* 50? O.o

[foxfire1329]

i was just wondering which would look better for zero: 0 or o ...... zero or o

[theheartlandsjoker]

50, of course. [I'm a square. lol] Meh, I wasn't so sure of what you were asking since it was so random.

[foxfire1329]

lolz, iw as just wondering xD i think i meant for it to be random...gotta have something going on while ppl wait for my slow typing :D

[theheartlandsjoker]

I see. :P k,then be as random as you want.