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karaikou
05-08-2011, 03:02 AM
.....Nightmare....
by ~Karaikoro

Her Hand was clutched to her Thunder War Hammer, with no signs of her letting go. Her whole body shook in fear of the monster she was about to fight, the demon lord, Helga, This was young Karaikoro's worst nightmare, fear of the giant cursed god who had the blood and souls of many innocent beings soaked into his Armour, this was sure to be the nightmare to any young adventurer. She gave a slight snarl before building her courage to avenge her brother's death. The terrifying God of hell lifted his Hell gate blade, Kara knew if it hit her she'd be dead, she dashed forward trying not to let her body freeze with fear. With all her strength she swung the hammer in to Helga before.....

''Kara! Hey sis! Wake up!'' A worried voice could be heard only a few centimeters away, the startled Cleric woke up at the sound of that familiar voice. She panted heavily placing her hand on her chest to slow her heart beat. ''Did you have that nightmare again sis?'' Asked her younger brother, Sabutor, as he gave Kara a reassuring look.

''Y-yeah...'' Kara replied staring up at her younger brother who was leaning over her bedside, ''I'll be okay....Ive just been working hard this week I guess....'' Her voice softened as she rested her head against her pillows and closed her green and blue eyes. Sabutor was very concerned about the health of his older sister, she had been having the same nightmare for the last few weeks. He decided to talk to healer Avon, the local doctor of Elderine.

About half an hour later, Kara had left to go to Uruga, there was important business to attend there with the purging the Crystal Castle, while her brother set off to Elderine to visit healer Avon about his elder sister's condition...

T3h_SyN
05-09-2011, 05:07 PM
Hmm... I want to see more but I'm withholding my vote for now because to me this is like offering me a mouthful of the main course and asking me to rate the entire dish.

Please write more, it appears that you have something resembling a worthwhile plot planned and I'd like to see it :3

birthbysleep412
05-12-2011, 03:20 AM
I wuv u hubbiikins and u should show the rest of it...

Daevor
05-17-2011, 03:42 AM
Hi

1. "This was young Karaikoro's worst nightmare, fear of the giant cursed god... "
Is the nightmare fear of the god, or is it fear of having to face the god in battle?

2. "as she rested her head against her pillows " she sleeps on multiple pillows?

3. A few commas here and there would help with the pace a bit.

4. I wanted to vote on the poll, but my option is not there: "Seems promising, please write more" (which basically means I echo Kitone's sentiment).

Keep 'em coming!
~~Daevor, The Devoted

skyeisepicness
05-18-2011, 07:56 PM
I think its awesome man, you should so post some more XD

karaikou
01-14-2012, 02:51 AM
e.o been like forever but I found this haha? Well...Yeah I was gonna post more and fix it up q.q as it was only just the very start, like a teaser of interest... I'm so sheepishly shy to write more...and It's been edited long since then...maybe I'll get back to it, thanks for the positive feedback guys c: