The Life of a Slime

[zombievalentine]

Here's a little poem I wrote a couple months ago, I would really like some feedback on this, and maybe I'll write some more Fiesta poems in the future. :)


Small, purple, and round,
From them you'll barely hear a sound.
Hopping around all day long,
The tune from Forest of Tides is their favorite song.
Everyday, facing new players,
Each one, horrible slime slayers.
Silent creatures, never uttering a word,
Even as they all under the fighter's sword.
As to why they never leave or go,
I'm afraid none of us will ever know...

[kettychan]

That's pretty cute. I like it.

[Orchids_Mantis]

"The tune from Forest of Tides is their favorite song."

This line is a bit long and doens't fit the general flow of the poem. I'd suggest shortening it a bit. Something along the lines of "Forest of Tides' tune their favorite song", or "Low level tunes their favorite songs" (since they are found in Roumen as well as Forest of Tides).

Other than that not too bad (i'd probably have better things to say at another time, but a critic's mood affects their criticism, that it does).

[sean.ness]

so awesome good read while servers are down keep it up!

[zombievalentine]

"The tune from Forest of Tides is their favorite song."

This line is a bit long and doens't fit the general flow of the poem. I'd suggest shortening it a bit. Something along the lines of "Forest of Tides' tune their favorite song", or "Low level tunes their favorite songs" (since they are found in Roumen as well as Forest of Tides).

Other than that not too bad (i'd probably have better things to say at another time, but a critic's mood affects their criticism, that it does).

I was kind of doing this at the top of my head. A friend had wanted me to write him a poem so he could see how good of a poet I was and he chose Slimes as a prompt. Usually I write more dark poems/short stories. So this was really out of my general genre. o.o

[moko25]

they do say stuff

[zombievalentine]

they do say stuff

Yes, but do you hear it? o.o

[starfighterdiane]

Nice poem thumbs up !