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IcarusFlewTooHigh
07-09-2008, 02:18 AM
The Graveyard Shift -- Part I

"What do you mean, you're out of health stones?!" Simona snarled softly, afraid the zombies would hear. "Just what kind of a tank are you?"

Kit stared the mage down, his look colder than the blood that dripped from the blade of his axe. "I'm only level 24," he grunted. "Gimme a break, Simona! Look at me! I'm a wreck!"

The clever fighter gestured toward his armor, dented, bloodied and irrefutably battle-worn. For emphasis, he wiped the blood from the face of his blade on his arm and thrust it in the mage's direction.

"We've been out here for hours... and for what? So you can complete a license on your shoddy and totally unimpressive level 20 green? I mean seriously, if you want to kill these things so badly, why don't you tank?"

Simona glowered. "I should smite you down right now for even suggesting I dirty my hands with such... grunt work."

Kit's cheeks burned. "Okay, what are you saying, Simona? That I'm a grunt? A good-for-nothing meat shield? Is that what you're saying?"

The verbal reparte was temporarily interrupted by a bone-chilling moan. With cat-like reflexes, Kit leaped to his feet and arced the axe down through the air just as a zombie rounded the corner of the mausoleum. The merciless steel of the glowing axe cleaved effortlessly through sinew and bone, causing a barrage of brain matter and spell-charred flesh to spatter across Kit's armor, and Simona's robes.

"Oh come on, really?" Kit grumbled as he wiped zombie remains from his face. "This is stickier than Honeying jam."

Simona turned as white as the ghosts of the abyss. Kit stared. "What?"

"I spent 10 silver having these robes dry-cleaned!" she shrieked. "10 frellin' silver, Kit! Do you have any idea how expensive the solvents to remove undead blood stains are?"

"No, I don't Simona, but we're grinding zombies. You didn't honestly think we weren't going to muddy ourselves up, did you?"

Heavy footfalls alerted Kit to the shadow that had overtaken him. He spun on his heel just in time to meet the attack of the biggest zombie he'd ever laid eyes on. A purple-green, mucous-like drool sprayed from its mouth as it hissed and sputtered, wildly swinging a colossal wooden bludgeon at Kit's significantly smaller body. Simona screamed, and ran several feet backwards before tripping over a headstone and landing on her behind with a moss-dampened whomp.

Kit unleashed the power of a strength scroll, and went to work hacking and slashing. The zombie parried his first attack, shrugged off the second, and blocked the third. Feeling his strength waning, Kit slammed the haft of his weapon against the side of the monster's cranium, stunning it for a few invaluable seconds.

"Simona, do something instead of just sitting there!"

The mage stood up, brushed herself off, disentangled the grave moss and twigs from her long, silky locks, then began to recite sorcerous incantations. The air between her palms shimmered, crackled, and a ball of bright flame fizzled into existence. Narrowing her eyes, she channeled the elements of fire and sent the spell whirling at her enemy.

It hit Kit square in the back.

The astonished clever fighter lurched forward, narrowingly missing a would-be fatal blow from the zombie assailant, and crashing into the beast. The two went toppling, the zombie on top of a tombstone, Kit on top of the zombie. As luck would have it, the protruding stone of an anonymous tomb impaled the torso of the zombie, who thrashed about wildly and helpless until Kit slashed its throat open with a gurgle. Exhausted, Kit sagged against the weight of his enemy's corpse.

"Oh my God, Kit!" Simona yelped, rushing to his side.

Smoke billowed up from the rear plating of his armor, which had taken on the distinct odor of heated metal and burning flesh.

"Um..." Simona muttered. "Kit?"

She poked him curiously with the head of her staff, waited a moment, then stood nervously, and cupping her hands to her mouth, shouted:

"Rev at B6, please."



Hope you all enjoyed!

~LittleSparrow

Orchids_Mantis
07-09-2008, 03:03 AM
Very funny...I like it

KateeHellen
07-09-2008, 03:54 AM
Very Good :) 10/10

Orchids_Mantis
07-09-2008, 04:20 AM
Hey, are you following me, Katee??

KateeHellen
07-09-2008, 04:31 AM
Hey, are you following me, Katee??

Me?... never ^_^"

Nimiae
07-09-2008, 06:49 AM
10/10! This is an intriguing story, and you sure do know how to end your parts/episodes...
Unlike me... xD

SeventhMagpie
07-09-2008, 07:04 AM
You got me into it straight away, very funny, well written and I like :O

IcarusFlewTooHigh
07-09-2008, 10:58 AM
The Graveyard Shift -- Part II

Kit sat nursing his wounds, irritable as ever. "I can't believe you hit me with a fireball, Simona."

"Well if you hadn't gotten in the way, it wouldn't have hit you," retorted the mage indignantly.

Kit flared up. "Oh so this is my fault? Are you serious?"

"Look on the bright side," Simona offered. "I finished my license."

"Good. Great. Grand," Kit muttered sarcastically.

"Unfortunately we're not through here."

"What do you mean?"

Simona handed a crumpled vellum scroll to the clever fighter. His eyes panned across the page for several moments before his face fell.

"You're kidding, right?" he said finally.

"Nope," Simona gleamed. "An order straight from Myzan. Arrived while you were unconscious. We've gotta go kill the Staff King. Don't worry though, I picked up some more health stones for you." She tossed a leather pouch in Kit's direction.

"Wait, wait, wait," Kit grumbled. "Who's the Staff King?"

Simona pondered a moment. "The King of Staves I guess."

"Aren't you mages actually supposed to possess high intelligence quotas? That tells me nothing!"

"Look, all I know from what the Council of Mages told me is that he's a powerful staff lord and he needs to be vanquished. Any details beyond that are sketchy at best."

"Wait... we have to kill an inanimate object?"

Simona nodded. "Right. The problem is that he's become animated. We've got to fix that."

Kit stood and picked up his axe. He admired its craftsmanship, the glow of the enchantments that ensorcelled it. It had been his friend Donovan's before he'd disappeared in the Abyss. All that had been found was his weapon. Kit treated the axe like a brother, like flesh and blood. He didn't believe the rumors about the axe, that it was cursed, that everyone who wielded it perished untimely. He looked at Simona.

"How exactly am I supposed to kill a staff, Simona? It's not like I can decapitate it or anything."

"You don't have to kill him," the mage chuckled. "That's my job. You just have to do the grunt work. Keep him off me and I'll smite him dead."

"Like hell," Kit stammered. "After what happened last time? Count me out."

"Kit, you owe me. You either pay for these robes to be cleaned or you kill the Staff King."

"I'll pay for the damn robes."

Simona looked cross. "You know, I really overestimated you Kit. When I asked for your help, I thought you'd be man enough to stand against the tides of darkness. But look at you. You're really just a coward living in that friend of yours Donovan's shadow..."

"It isn't like that..."

"...and when the faintest whiff of trouble comes floating downwind you buckle under the pressure. I'm really, really disappointed in you Kit. Really."

"OKAY!" Kit screamed, his knuckles whitening around the haft of his axe. "Let's go kill the darn Staff King and be done with it."

"Yay!" Simona danced happily.

"Under one condition," Kit added, rubbing the soreness at his back.

"What?" Simona asked.

"No fireballs." the fighter declared sternly.

Nimiae
07-12-2008, 11:17 AM
Lol WRITEZ MOAR. Or, in a more dramatic way to say it:

MOAR MOAR MOAR